Weariness. Just the sound of the name brings about visions of damp, grey, gloomy weather. Which, is a more perfect description of how I've felt most of the day. I've had my high moments. Moments where I forced a smile. A real smile. Not the "there I did it" smile. Or the "I'll pitifully smile to make you happy" smile. A real, genuine, pearly whites showin' smile.
While the devil is sneaking in (very unfairly I might add) at the darkest hours trying to make what are already "tough" situations even tough-er...God's grace shines through. He reminds me, mercifully, that things have been far worse, and He uses all things for His good. He reminds me all too often that I am not the one who has to carry the weight of my loved ones burdens, and that I have Him to carry me when my burdens are too heavy for me to walk.
Keep praying. Keep believing. Keep praying. Keep believing. Keep praying. Keep believing. Keep praying. Keep believing. Keep praying. Keep believing.
Good night my dears, may all of you be blessed, through the darkness and the light!
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Friday, May 4, 2012
Like Strawberry Wine
It's almost hard to believe. 10 years ago, tomorrow 5/5, I started dating a friend I'd known for almost a year.
Our first date was an omen for our relationship. He was to pick me up from work, at exactly 4:30 (I was taking a late lunch, so basically I could leave a half hour before my scheduled time.
At the time, I was 16 and was "heart-broken". My first boyfriend and I had recently split, and as a result of that split, I went from having about 20 "friends" to about a handful, and Mark was one of them.
So anyway, this was a "friendship date"... ;) ... He was picking me up at 4:30, and we were headed to Ocean City. I had brought along the cutest outfits I had, several pairs of shoes, my make-up bag, curling iron, and more crap that I can't even remember...for this "friendship date." We had been out many nights, just the two of us, and I had even stayed at his house, sleeping in the same bed, but in all honesty, we were just friends.
Until, that is...this particular "friendship date." I don't know why, but all of a sudden this new feeling came over me, and it seemed to have come over him too, and our Ocean City plans had become more than any other night, before it even started.
I was nervous.
A good nervous.
Butterflies were in my stomach, and my hand was shaking trying to add the 100th layer of mascara. (I was 16, remember!)
So, 4:29 came way quicker than I expected, and I didn't want to seem obnoxiously 'ready'. So I had a co-worker "casually" glance out the window, looking for his green Ford Explorer. She came back, saying he wasn't here yet, so about 3.5minutes later (5 minutes was WAY too long) I peeked through the store, out into the parking lot, and that's when my heart sank to my toes. He really wasn't out there.
"He's just running late." I told myself, trying not to cry, and all the women that I worked with got this 'look' on their faces, and were pitifully trying to smile. They all knew how depressed I'd been, the horror of my last relationship, and how devastated my 16 year old self was. They had all helped me get ready, picking out which bathing suit with what outfit, hair spraying my wild curls down, and giving me the total package review. And now, I just sat in the back room, as one by one, the other girls went back to work. I fought back tears, and fought hard. I kept checking, kept looking out the back window in case he was coming from the other direction. I called his house because...hold on to your seats...we...gulp...didn't...double gulp...have...cell phones...(GASP!), I paged him, in code telling him to page me.
Nothing.
5pm rolled around, and the other women were all now man-bashing, & telling me their own stood-up horror stories. I couldn't take it anymore. If I stayed in that building one more minute, I was going to burst into tears, and I could NOT let that happen. So I gathered what little bit of courage I had left, grabbed ALL my belongings (which I was planning on keeping the mini-closet I brought with me in my locker until the next day so he didn't see all of it), and I said my "I'm ok" & "It's whatever" good-bye's to the girls, and walked to my car, chin on the verge of quivering off my face!
"Don't cry...don't cry...don't (HONK HONK) cr-"
"Who the hell is honking at me? They do NOT want a piece of me right n-..." and I turned around, only to see him, smiling and waving...and a little annoyed, and still honking, just to be obnoxious! ;)
He was parked in the closest spot next to mine (about 3 spots away in a different row), but from the store's view was blocked by a box-truck belonging to the furniture store next to my job.
My heart hit the sky, I swear it did, and I quickly threw my closet in my car, hopped into his, and we were beach-bound.
Over the course of the next 10 years, we would go through some of the craziest, darkest, trials. Separating twice, only to find we couldn't go but a few days before we had to talk to each other. Even in the few months that we "took a break", we talked almost every day, still hung out, and only learned that we were truly, madly in love with each other.
This 10 year milestone happens to be placed right at the beginning of our newest journey; our American Dream in Ohio. We just moved into our own house, just got our 2nd (and last) dog, and our careers have just gotten stable.
We may have been a few years behind the clock of our peers, but we're happy and grateful to be right where we're at, looking back on all the grace and mercy God has shown us.
Here's to us, and many, many more decades to come.
Our first date was an omen for our relationship. He was to pick me up from work, at exactly 4:30 (I was taking a late lunch, so basically I could leave a half hour before my scheduled time.
At the time, I was 16 and was "heart-broken". My first boyfriend and I had recently split, and as a result of that split, I went from having about 20 "friends" to about a handful, and Mark was one of them.
So anyway, this was a "friendship date"... ;) ... He was picking me up at 4:30, and we were headed to Ocean City. I had brought along the cutest outfits I had, several pairs of shoes, my make-up bag, curling iron, and more crap that I can't even remember...for this "friendship date." We had been out many nights, just the two of us, and I had even stayed at his house, sleeping in the same bed, but in all honesty, we were just friends.
Until, that is...this particular "friendship date." I don't know why, but all of a sudden this new feeling came over me, and it seemed to have come over him too, and our Ocean City plans had become more than any other night, before it even started.
I was nervous.
A good nervous.
Butterflies were in my stomach, and my hand was shaking trying to add the 100th layer of mascara. (I was 16, remember!)
So, 4:29 came way quicker than I expected, and I didn't want to seem obnoxiously 'ready'. So I had a co-worker "casually" glance out the window, looking for his green Ford Explorer. She came back, saying he wasn't here yet, so about 3.5minutes later (5 minutes was WAY too long) I peeked through the store, out into the parking lot, and that's when my heart sank to my toes. He really wasn't out there.
"He's just running late." I told myself, trying not to cry, and all the women that I worked with got this 'look' on their faces, and were pitifully trying to smile. They all knew how depressed I'd been, the horror of my last relationship, and how devastated my 16 year old self was. They had all helped me get ready, picking out which bathing suit with what outfit, hair spraying my wild curls down, and giving me the total package review. And now, I just sat in the back room, as one by one, the other girls went back to work. I fought back tears, and fought hard. I kept checking, kept looking out the back window in case he was coming from the other direction. I called his house because...hold on to your seats...we...gulp...didn't...double gulp...have...cell phones...(GASP!), I paged him, in code telling him to page me.
Nothing.
5pm rolled around, and the other women were all now man-bashing, & telling me their own stood-up horror stories. I couldn't take it anymore. If I stayed in that building one more minute, I was going to burst into tears, and I could NOT let that happen. So I gathered what little bit of courage I had left, grabbed ALL my belongings (which I was planning on keeping the mini-closet I brought with me in my locker until the next day so he didn't see all of it), and I said my "I'm ok" & "It's whatever" good-bye's to the girls, and walked to my car, chin on the verge of quivering off my face!
"Don't cry...don't cry...don't (HONK HONK) cr-"
"Who the hell is honking at me? They do NOT want a piece of me right n-..." and I turned around, only to see him, smiling and waving...and a little annoyed, and still honking, just to be obnoxious! ;)
He was parked in the closest spot next to mine (about 3 spots away in a different row), but from the store's view was blocked by a box-truck belonging to the furniture store next to my job.
My heart hit the sky, I swear it did, and I quickly threw my closet in my car, hopped into his, and we were beach-bound.
Over the course of the next 10 years, we would go through some of the craziest, darkest, trials. Separating twice, only to find we couldn't go but a few days before we had to talk to each other. Even in the few months that we "took a break", we talked almost every day, still hung out, and only learned that we were truly, madly in love with each other.
This 10 year milestone happens to be placed right at the beginning of our newest journey; our American Dream in Ohio. We just moved into our own house, just got our 2nd (and last) dog, and our careers have just gotten stable.
We may have been a few years behind the clock of our peers, but we're happy and grateful to be right where we're at, looking back on all the grace and mercy God has shown us.
Here's to us, and many, many more decades to come.
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